Script Draft 2

Short Film Script 2nd Draft

Film Posters Analysis - Short-Length and Feature-Length

Script Draft 1 Evaluation

• Let the actor work out his own emotions
• He doesn't jump back, he double takes
• Remember how big things are going to be in the frame
• Make it more cinematic, and contain it more
• Don't make it obvious what he's doing - let the audience move into it with their imagination
• Remove the part about him sticking his tongue out of his mouth)
• Replace "Darts to the side" with "He shifts slightly" (shorten down the phrase)
• He's got to be recording it and looking past the camera
• She moves very slowly, and at some point he starts to panic.
• He's probably recording right from the very beginning.
• We don't see him at the very start, we see the side of his face (his eye), then the face comes into the view, we see the other eye, the thumb is about to stop the recording,
• Giving the film a bit more texture, she will become wide open space, but start off in his claustrauphobic world, spacially making it very compact.
• Show his eye again when he sees the face of the woman, we see the startle in his eye
• Wiristic feel when we don't know who the character is.
• Get my actor to feel his movements
• Don't tell him what to do (tongue etc.)
• Describe to him his life; he lives at the top of the house, with old lady, top of a hill, so he can think and feel as a person, tell them who they are, let them act it out.
• Remove "at a fast pace", let the actor act it out.
• Maybe after he said no, he tries to dart around and looses his footing, tries to get up behind the camera
• She is filming him through an iphone, he is now in a difficult situation.
• Maybe he goes to come down, she tells him to go back and get his camera, he comes back with it and she sees the footage of the stream etc.
• She says "What do you think of the view?"
• He says "It's beautiful." (submeaning; he means the woman is beautiful)
• Both smile at each other.
• He finally has the contact he has already wanted.
• Audience now sees what that person needs, and it has come in an unlikely way.
• Key points:
• Too theatrical (strip out exaggerated movement)
• Its neccesary on the podium in theatre, not here though
• Don't have actors do so much
• Direction - elicit that by giving back the story later
• Do not bring a new character so far into the story
• The message wasn't really getting across.
• Now I see they both need contact.
• How do you find that symettrty?
• How do you create a strong metaphor through this symmetry
• Not having him fully dart back before he's shouted, he has to try and get back to the camera through concealment, and when he looks through the lens, he sees the girl filming him. 
• Infinite reflection (chemical brothers) reality reflected through a relfection of a reflection of a reflection

Script Draft 1

Script Draft 1

Synopsis Draft 4

The “Set-up” (BEGINNING)

The stream flows pleasantly during an early afternoon. The trees slowly rustle. A young man kneels on the ground within the camouflage of the bushes. A tripod is stationed next to him, with the camera attached on top. The camera is recording. The young man looks through the camera. He positions the camera so it faces the stream. He watches the ripples in the water. The leaves flow in the opposite direction. He rotates the movement of the camera in a fluid motion, so it records the ripples flow gently down the river. The young man moves his head back slightly and smiles.

The “Confrontation/Development” (MIDDLE)

The man continues to move the camera. Suddenly, a face comes into the view of his camera. The man jumps back from his camera. He tilts his head slightly, and looks through the camera again slowly. He peers at the person, cautiously. His breathing intensifies. The face was that of a young woman. She has blonde hair. She is sitting down on the ground, with her knees upright. She is looking at her hands, which are shaking slightly. She slowly brings her hands in towards her chest, and rubs her chest slowly. The young man tilts his head again, and sticks his tongue out of his mouth. He steps on a twig on the floor, which makes a noise as it snaps. The young woman turns her head. The young man darts to the side behind the bushes, to avoid her gaze. She turns her head from side to side, and after a few moments, turns her head back to the stream. The young man steps out from behind the bushes, and continues to watch the young woman. The young woman curls her arms over her knees, and begins to rock back and forth slowly. The young man scratches his head, and looks through the camera. He jumps. He presses the record button, which stops recording. He looks back at the girl. She has a bottle in her hands. She is looking straight down into it. The young man’s eyes widen, and he looks back at the camera. He breathes heavily. He leans down and presses the record button. The camera begins to record again. He zooms in on the bottle, and then on the woman’s face. She puts the bottle down on the ground, and fumbles around in her pocket. She takes out a set of pills. The young man stares through the camera, and his mouth opens widely.

The Dramatic Premise

The young woman stares at the pills. After a few moments, she puts the pills back into her pocket. She puts her hand on the ground gingerly, and rises to a standing position. She looks up at the sky, and then into the river. She slowly walks forward. Her feet connect with the water. The water covers up her feet. It begins to rise to her socks. The young man moves away from the camera. He stares at the young woman through his own eyes. He whips his head around from side to side quickly. He fumbles around vigorously in his pocket, and pulls out his phone. He looks at the top corner of the screen. He exasperates, and puts the phone back into his pocket. He ruffles his hair at a fast pace, and looks up at the sky. He looks back at the young woman. She has stopped moving forward in the water. She is standing still, looking down at the water. After a few moments, the young girl closes her eyes, and raises her hands out by her side. She exhales deeply. The young man screams, at the top of his lungs, “NO!”

The “Resolution” (END)

The young woman opens her eyes, and slowly turns her head. She notices the young man. The young man’s eyes widen, and he backs away from the camera. The young woman lowers her arms. The young man gulps, and stares back at the camera. He raises his hands slightly. The young woman continues to stare at him. She narrows her eyes, and smiles slightly. She raises her hand, and wags her finger, signalling for him to come towards her. The young man stares at her, and looks from side to side, and then back at her. She nods her head slowly. The young man looks at his camera, and then back at the woman. He steps forward gingerly. He begins to smile. Suddenly, a voice shouts out, “Hey! What are you doing?” The young man jumps back, and hides behind the bushes, peering out at the young woman. She turns away from the young man and stares in the direction of where the voice came from. The young man turns away from the young woman, and rests his head against the bushes. He looks up at the sky, and breathes heavily. He closes his eyes. After a few moments, he peers from behind the bushes. The young woman is nowhere to be seen. The young man looks around, and then sighs. He ruffles his hair, and looks at his camera. He presses a button on the camera, and the screen goes black. He bends down, and loosens the legs of the tripod. He picks up the tripod, and looks out at the stream. He breathes in resignation, and walks down the pathway, with the tripod resting on his shoulder.

Grading criteria for Poster

·         Awareness of conventions of layout and page design

·         Awareness of need for variety in fonts and text size

·         Accurate use of language and register

·         Appropriate use of ICT for the task set

·         Appropriate integration of illustration and text

·         Framing a shot, using a variety of shot distances as appropriate

·         Shooting material appropriate to the task set; selecting mise-en-scene including colour, figure, lighting, objects and setting

·         Manipulating photographs as appropriate, including cropping and resizing

Film Posters Research

Connotation: Words, sounds and visual images that have denotative or literal meanings. A dictionary may describe a rose as "a flower with a thorn stem". However, in our culture, the rose has a large number of associated meanings, majorly with romance; "My love is like a red, red rose". Connotations are likely to yield a good deal of insight into the preferred reading of my film poster.

Anchorage: The relationship between text and image. Rarely do pictures appear without some text, whether spoken or written, which serves to establish or anchor an interpretation. Newspaper subeditors apply headlines or captions to photographs; documentaries use voiceover in a similar way. To test the importance of anchorage, try looking at pictures you're thinking of using for your poster with and without accompanying text, and then with different text. We have to create an original image(s) for our poster, and for our review. We must seize this opportunity within our production with our film.

• A lot of text anchors the image of this poster.
• The pink accolades show stellar reviews (four/five star ratings) for the film, signifying the colour importance; both the colour and reviews are particularly eye-catching.
•  One of the quotes,"buzzes with life", connotes with flies, bees (which are the cornerstones of life), and other things that buzz.
• The tagline, "LIVE, LOVE AND GIVE AS GOOD AS YOU GET", brings in the social status of the film.
• The girl's costume is particularly sportive, and shows she has an interest in dance. Her black attire anchors with the text.
• She is dark in comparison to the other parts of the poster.
• Make-up, accessories and jewellery combine to provide a representation of her social status.

Tone: Roughly 70% of the message is through non-verbal communication, 23% is tone, and a mere 7% is through the words used. Is the tone humorous, solemn, coy, sentimental, laddish or what?

• There is a solemn/serious tone to this poster.
• It presents the idea of confrontation/rebellion.
• "Tumblr"-esc tagline.
• The film title is orange, which is particularly eye-catching, whilst the title "FISH TANK" presents an anchorage with what we put in a fish tank; GOLD-fish.
• The enclosed spacing of fish tank connotes with the enclosed spacing of the text of the film title itself.
• The girl's tracksuit, on-show midriff, aggressive tone, oversaturation, alternating lighting ratio (half her face is light, the other half is dark), all add to the informal grittiness of the poster.
• There is a sense of hope for the girl, through her presence in the foreground, whilst the buildings are located in the background. It presents the idea the girl is rising above them, and stepping away from reality.

Register: Refers to the vocabulary, style and grammar used by speakers and writers according to a certain situation. There are thus degrees of formality: "bloke, man, guy, gentleman, geezer, dude, blud, ma, mam, mum, mummy, mother, mater".

• This poster suits a range of people through lexis, which is the level of language consisting of vocabulary, as opposed to grammar or syntax.
• "Chavs" may not understand the word "POIGNANT", yet people with a higher degree of formality would; it is the language of education, as are the words "PROFOUND" and "OUTSTANDING".
• There is a running motif of colour, which represents the brokenness/peeling away of the girl's life, whilst the wall could represent her future.

Intertextual & Intermedial references: Having many chains of signification in which media texts make references to one another. Where one media text refers to another, it is called "intertextual". "Intermedial" describes a media form which relies on understanding and experience of another media (e.g. film and music) to make meaning.

Example of intertextuality:

"The Shining"

Intentions to kill with an axe

Original quote: "Here's Johnny!"

"Finding Nemo"

Intentions to eat the fish

Reference to the original quote: "Here's Brucey!"

Target Audience: Who are the intended audience? It may refer to age, gender, socioeconomic status, region or nationality, sub-culture, or personality type.

Quantitative Responses Collation Example

Quantitative Research

Synopsis Draft 3 - Feedback

• Add the "Dramatic Premise" section into the "Middle" - redevelop the "Dramatic Premise" part.
• Think about proxemics - is the man camouflaged? That way the woman will have less chance of logically seeing him.
• Remove the dialogue of "I can't do it. I can't approach her", from the middle.
• Develop the area of him watching her (he is using the camera to try to understand what is going on)
• Are we concerned for him?
• Tell the audience less, build in more accidents - this makes the scene more intriguing.
• He is filming the water - the leaves are perhaps floating in an opposite direction to the ripples in the water - then suddenly the woman's eyes come into view of his camera - startling for him and us as the audience.
• The woman moves her eyes, he darts to the side to perhaps avoid her gaze.
• She is looking at her hands.
• Next time he films her, he sees a bottle, which was previously on the other side of her.
• She has pills in her hands - he doesn't know what to do.
• He looks at the record button on his camera - he is self-conscious - (the camera is still recording whilst this happens)
• How responsible is he in this situation? Is he responsible? Are we? Will he do something?
• Think about his dress code (characterise him more) - he is classically eccentric.
• Something else may happen (possibly in the Dramatic Premise):
• She walks into the river (at knee-length)
• She goes to fall in the river? What does he do?
• What can he do without actually going down to her?
• Is his phone in signal?
• Does he look around?
• Have her stand in the water - he goes back to watching her
• Is it suicide? Attention-seeking? Something else? Make sure the audience doesn't know
• The man moves away from the camera, looks around everywhere
• He goes back to the camera (breaking away from reality)
• Maybe she looks around - notices him - just looks at him.
• He isn't ready to be confronted - he backs off the camera - he is afraid.
• She is now in control of the situation .
• Ending ideas:
• Does she visually give him permission to do something?
• .....

Panasonic Camera (A2) vs. Canon Camera (AS)

The camera this year in A2 we are using is the Panasonic AGHMC41E. We have moved up from last year at AS from the Canon Legria HFR28E. The big question here is, why have we moved from the Canon to the Panasonic?

Canon Legria HFR28E

Panasonic AGHMC41E

The Canon is HD, whilst the Camera is an HD AVC Cam. So they are both able to record in High Definition already... so why move?

The pixels and resolution equal better picture quality.

There is actually better zoom on the Canon than the Panasonic, yet zoom is not the most important thing.

They have the same amount of megapixels (3.05)
The Panasonic has full HD images
The Canon has HD but not full HD, as it doesn't have many pixels (230,000 dots)

The Canon CCD: 1/4.85 type CMOS

Mite features on Panasonic.

Panasonic:

• Has Zebra - puts lines on a person's face so it is correctly exposed to light
• Different recording features; different speeds
• Focus assists: zooms in very quickly, focuses on the face, then zooms out again (to look for crosshairs)
• Manual focus (manually turn the ring and do a focus pull
• Longer battery life
• Has an XLR Cable to connect with Sennheiser K6 (shotgun microphone) - the microphone is unidirectional, which means beautifully recorded dialogue (shotgun = targeted at the lips); this all equates to good sound quality.
• You cannot use this with the Canon and get the same quality, as the Canon doesn't have an input for that microphone; there is no on-board microphone.
• When you synchronise an XLR to an XLR, you don't loose the sound, it preserves it, whereas you do loose the sound if you synchronise an XLR to a minijack.
• We have an IRIS control, which allows us to control the intensity of light in the camera.
• The Panasonic is 1920x1080 Full HD.
• 3mos is a newer technology than CMOS.

In conclusion:

1) There is much more manual control over the Panasonic.
2) There is better overall picture and sound quality.

Synopsis Draft 3 Evaluation – Milgrom Questions

Questions for the Evaluation of the Synopsis

Explain the:

·         World - The world is the place where all the events take place within my short. Therefore my world is a streamline.

·         Character – My protagonist is a young adolescent man, who gives off the persona of being lonely, and attempts to make intimate connections with others, yet he risks putting his own wellbeing at risk. This is due to the situation he has put himself in, as his intentions are drastically different to the girls’ intentions.

·         Problem – The problem is what the possible consequences will be for the protagonist, depending on his decision making; whether he continues to film the woman, and possibly loses his innocence and connection with the audience, or approaches the woman himself, and risks losing his connection with her.

Who’s POV is the story told from? Is this clear? How?

The POV is being told from the perspective of the young adolescent. This is clear, because the storyline moves along with our protagonist as he ventures through his experiences. Phrases used in my synopsis such as “He watches”, give off the impression the audience is made to see things through our protagonist’s own eyes, and enable ourselves to agree or disagree with his opinions and intentions.

Is the main problem the heart of the film? Explain.

No, the main problem is the protagonists’ inability to establish connections/relations with his peers. The heart of the film is the young man’s decision to film the woman, as that is the only way he seems to feel comfortable. The inability to establish connections creates the main problem as it gives the audience the biggest clue towards what his possible intentions are.

Target Audience Research: Final Qualitative Questions to be used on Focus Group(s) for the short film "Soft"

1) Did the opening of the film engage you and make you want to watch more?

• Yes, because...
• No, because...

2) Do you feel the character(s) create a stereotypical image of their respective age group(s)?

• Yes, because...
• No, because...

3) Which character do you believe is the main protagonist? Why is this?


4) Do you feel the director, Simon Ellis, wants us to feel sympathy for the protagonist?

• Yes, because...
• No, because...

5) What kind of neighbourhood do you think the location of the film is set in? What indicates to you that this film is based in this certain part of the UK?

"Soft" Quotes from my Second Focus Group

Pauline:

"I felt it was fairly equal between the dad, the son and the gang leader as to who was the main protagonist, but if I had to choose one it would be the son. This is because the story is about him being bullied, and his dad was telling him to stand up for himself, which he did in the end."


Phil:

"I felt that the hooded characters created a stereotypical image of their respective age groups, because when you hear about such things in the media, that's who they're representing."


Trevor:

"I felt the film opening was engaging and made me want to watch more, because you wanted to know what was going to happen next within the storyline."


Jack:

"I felt the director wants us to feel sympathy for the protagonist, in this case, the dad, because he wants to stand up to the bullies, but then feels he has to fight for his dad."

"I felt the neighbourhood location was set in a suburban area, because of the quiet streets, and nice houses."

Quantitative Questionnaire Example

(Answers highlighted in bold were the subject's answers.)

1. Are you male or female?

• Male
• Female
• Other (please specify)
• Prefer not to say

2. Which age category do you currently belong too?

• Under 10
• 11-14
• 15-20
• 21-30
• 31-40
• 41-50
• 51-60
• 61+

3. What is your ethnic background?

• White
• Gypsy/Traveller/Irish Traveller
• Asian/Asian British
• Black/Black British
• Mixed
• Other (please specify)

4. Which part of the UK do you live in?

• Northern England
• Southern England
• Eastern England
• Western England
• Central England
• Other (please specify)

5. What is your current occupation?

• Full-time job
• Part-time job
• Student
• Other (please specify)

Knowledge of the Genre

1. Have you ever viewed a short film?

• Yes
• No

2. What do you think a short film's run time should be?

• Under 5 minutes
• Between 5 and 10 minutes
• Between 11 and 15 minutes
• Between 16 and 20 minutes
• 20 minutes or over

3. Out of the three selected, which do you think best represents short form?

• Mainstream
• Niche
• Artistic

4. Have you ever seen any of these short films? (If so, please tick as many as you have)

• About a Girl
• Antonio's Breakfast
• September
• Soft
• Stripes
• The Most Beautiful Man In The World
• Two Cars One Night
• Vincent
• Youth

5. Are you familiar with any of these short film screening sites?

• Youtube
• Vimeo
• Shorts of the week
• Future Shorts

Viewing Habits


 

1. How regularly do you watch feature-length films?

• Daily
• Weekly
• Monthly
• Quarterly
• Yearly
• Never

2. How regularly to you watch short films?

• Daily
• Weekly
• Monthly
• Quarterly
• Yearly
• Never

3. How do you consume films?

• DVD
• Blu-Ray
• Television Channels
• Phone/Tablet
• Online
• On Demand
• Other (please specify)

4. Which genre is of your most general interest?

• Horror
• Comedy
• Thriller
• Social Realism
• Action
• Adventure
• Romance
• Other (please specify)

5. Do you find it easy to find shorts to watch?

• Yes
• No

Content

1. Select any themes/issues you consider to be underexplored in film from:

Themes:

• Neglect
• Revenge
• Rebellion
• Nature and Nurture
• Jealousy

Issues:

• Child Abuse
• Bullying (physically)
• Bullying (mentally)
• Class and Status
• Adultery
• Abortion
• Poverty
• Sexism
• Racism
• Discrimination
• Unemployment
• Alcohol Abuse
• Drug Abuse

2. Select any types/groups you consider to be underrepresented in film from:

• Working Class Citizens
• Lower Class Citizens
• Males
• Females
• Youth
• Elderly
• Black Ethnic Groups
• Caucasian Ethnic Groups
• Asian Ethnic Groups
• Mentally Ill
• Physically Ill

3. Select any aspects of stereotypical British social culture that you feel could be effectively explored in a short form film from:

• Aristocracy
• Poverty
• Gangsters
• Alcohol abuse/binge drinking
• Substance abuse
• Smoking
• Bad weather

4. Select any characteristics of British social culture that you feel are underrepresented in short form film from:

• Countryside
• City
• Architecture
• Food Consumption (e.g. fish and chips)
• Drink Consumption (e.g. tea)

5. What do you consider to be the most important about films?

• Storyline
• Cinematography (camera)
• Sound
• Mise-en-Scene
• Editing
• Actor(s)
• Director(s)
• Other (please specify)

"Soft" Quotes from my first Focus Group

Katie:

"The boy is the protagonist, because he didn't fight back when his father told him not too, and then he also ended the conflict, although with more conflict, and he took charge when no one else would, hopefully teaching the ruffians a lesson

Phoebe:

"The location was in a nice area, and high class, and it could be in any street or anywhere, as the houses you see could be located anywhere"

Myles:

"We probably feel sympathy for the dad because he was a coward, but couldn't really help it, and then he gets overshadowed as the alpha-male by his son"

Mr Parsons:

"The film raises a lot of issues, and makes you question your moral perspective; what would you do? The relationship between father and son is interesting because within the first minute or so, the father comes home with a suit, looking very formal, and the son is upstairs being reclusive and playing loud music. Both of these characters conform to their stereotype of roles, that obviously changes throughout the film and the son takes on the alpha male role in the family. It is constructed to make you question yourself in that scenario, that we shouldn't be violent and aggressive, but we want to do what the boy did, even if we didn't have the courage"

"The boy is playing a stereotypical teenager; he comes home, he doesn't want to talk to the family, and slams the door very loudly, and play his music very loudly"

Industrial Film Script Format Example - (beginning of my 2nd draft of the synopsis)

Industrial Film Script Format

·         Script format used in the film industry for production.

·         The script can be broken down effectively, properly, and so scheduling and budgeting function effectively.

·         Each page equates to approximately 60 seconds.

·         When the script is in its final form, it is broken down.

·         Film Script Schedule:

o   Write the script

o   Coloured annotations atone to key information

o   Dedicated breakdown of all information

o   Breakdown script board; ordering of the scenes

o   Final film schedule

·         Format:

o   Film title

o   By-line, then writers name

o   Film name then appears at the top of each page to identify it

o   “Fade in/fade up” – tells you the film is beginning

o   “Slug-line” or “scene heading”

§  Capitalised

§  INT. or EXT. (Interior or Exterior)

§  Full stop after “T”

§  Space

§  Description of the location (e.g. INT = house)

§  Another space

§  Hyphen

§  Another space

§  DAY or NIGHT

o   Action Paragraph

o   Character name

o   Character dialogue

o   # sign if there are lots of characters (e.g. GIRL #1, GIRL #2)

o   Format:

§  Slug-line

§  Then…

·         Action

·         Character name

·         Dialogue

·         SO ON AND SO ON…

Synopsis Draft 3

The “Set-up” (BEGINNING)

The stream flows pleasantly during an early afternoon. The trees slowly rustle. A young man sits on the ground next to the edge of the stream. A tripod is stationed next to him, with the camera attached on top. The camera is recording. The young man looks through the camera. He sees the trees flow. He positions the camera so it faces the stream. He watches the ripples in the water. He rotates the movement of the camera in a fluid motion, so it records the ripples flow gently down the river. He does this three times. The young man moves his head back slightly and smiles.

The “Confrontation/Development” (MIDDLE)

The young man turns his head, and his eyes widen. His mouth opens slightly. He sees a young woman sitting a few metres away from him. The woman has her arms folded across her chest in a tight fashion. Her knees are shaking. Her body is shaking. Her face is shaking. She is rocking back and forth continuously. Her eyes are open wide. She slowly unfolds her arms, which are shaking vigorously. She opens the palms of her hands, and stares absorbedly at them. A few moments pass. The woman puts her hands in her hair, and begins to rub it energetically. The young man watches her, blinks, and jolts his head. He puts his hand on the ground, and begins to rise. He stops, and sits back down again, looking back at the stream in front of him and shakes his head forcefully. He looks back at the woman, who is still running her hands through her hair. He sighs, and rubs his hair slowly. He mutters under his breath: “I can’t do it. I can’t approach her.” He hits his leg lightly. He connects his fingers from both hands with each other, and puts them to his mouth. He bites the tips of his thumbs.

The “Dramatic Premise”

The young man turns towards his camera. He lowers his hands. He gazes at the camera, with his head slightly tilted. He looks back at the young woman; she is sitting with her arms draped across her hunched knees. The young man then looks back at the camera. He sighs dramatically. He lifts his hands to the tripod, and slowly positions it so it faces the girl. The tripod legs make a small sound as they touch the ground. The young man looks back at the young woman, and then at his camera. He slowly bends down to look through the camera, and as he does so, he alters his gaze to the woman and back to the camera. He presses the red button on the camera. The recording time flashes in the corner of the screen. The young man opens his mouth and smiles. He makes the camera zoom in on the young woman. He looks through the camera at her cheeks, her nose, and her eyes. He moves the camera shot so it focuses on the girls’ body. He slowly reaches down and touches the front of his jeans. He strokes his jeans for a few seconds, before looking down, and releasing his hand. He looks at his hand, and grimaces. He shakes his head, and puts his hand onto his forehead. He whispers: “What am I doing”. He looks back through the camera, and smiles again as he looks upon the young woman.

The “Resolution” (END)

The young woman turns her head towards the young man, and then looks forwards again. A second later, she whips her head around, and gasps. The young man jumps, and stops looking through the camera. The young woman lifts herself up from the ground, and stands up. She faces the young man, saying: “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” The young man begins to stutter. The young woman storms towards him and looks down at him. He looks up at her, and bites his lip. He looks at the camera, and then back at the young woman. He looks back towards the camera, and removes the camera from the tripod with trembling fingers. He takes the camera in his hand, and looks up at the young woman. He offers the camera to her. The young woman looks at the camera for a moment, and then at the young man. The young man smiles lightly. She scoffs, and walks away from the young man. The young man turns around to watch her. She walks down the pathway, scratching and shaking her head as she does so. The young man lowers his hand, and looks down at the ground momentarily. He looks back out at the stream, and then at the trees. He looks down at the camera in his hand. He closes his eyes, and sighs heavily. He places the camera down on the ground. His footsteps are heard, and slowly grow fainter.

Synopsis Draft 2 Feedback

·         Positive(s) about the “World”

o   Metaphorical job of the park being where people come to meet

·         Negative(s) about the “World”

o   Take the whole of the beginning part out

Use a setting included a stream (stream equals loneliness)

Loneliness is communicated by the environment

Also enriching experience of shooting by a stream

Include “Voyeurism”

·         Sense of detachment, but he doesn’t have purpose – what is he doing there, before he sees the girl?

·         Raise the stakes with the girl before he makes contact with her

o   He watches her for a while, we don’t necessarily see him in a good way, but we see the film through him

o   Comes off as a bit of a “perv” – yet we get to know him more and understand him

o   He’s watching her, but does he go further? Does he go nearer?

o   That’s how he’s used to dealing with people; unable to have contact

o   He’s watching her, I’m watching him, audience is watching me

o   Camera within a camera, (making a film about a film?)

o   Have her do something more than drinking (an overdose?)

o    

Watch: Krzysztof Kieslowski – “A Short Film About Love” KROTKI FILM O MILOSCI caly film