Script Draft 2 Evaluation: Milgram Questions

• Have you paid respect to screenwriting conventions?
• I have paid respect to screenwriting conventions via the use of a screenplay layout, slug lines, etc. The stakes have been raised even higher; my female character begins to walk into the river - here there is a clear risk of a character's wellbeing at risk, leaving my protagonist to find a way to deal with the situation. The tension in this scene is of a high standard, and the atmosphere becomes increasingly awkward once the female spots the protagonist filming her. There is minimal dialogue within my script, allowing the world and character to be established at maximum speed.
• To pay more respect to screenwriting conventions, I should make the world I have created easier to identify. I should also make clearer what my protagonist's want/need is. I need to express to my actors the situation they are in, without actually telling them what to do; for example, I could say to my female protagonist, "you're alone, your family life is terrible, you feel rejected by everyone, you've recently split up with your boyfriend, and now you see drinking, drugs and self-harm as the only viable way out of the negative mental state you are in". This information given to my actor will hopefully allow her to develop her character persona without me actually telling her what to do, i.e. "look sad and depressed". It allows my actors to feel their way into the role, and maintain a sense of independence when they are acting.

• How does the script adhere to the guiding principles of the TEN POINT PLAN?
• Title: I need to come up with a title of my film. The title should be centred around the dramatic premise of the short, with a powerful meaning. For example, "Addiction" links to the mental state of depression my female is in, whereas a title such as "Trees" links less to the dramatic premise.
• Genre/Tone: The genre is Social Realism. The tone is a mixture of sentimental, solemn and serious, due to the feeling of loneliness. I should perhaps narrow my script down to propose only one main example of tone, allowing the audience to clearly understand my message.
• Setting: The setting is a riverbank. I should improve my description of my setting, through micro elements, such as mise-en-scene (props, etc.)
• Main Character: The young man is my main character. I centred my Setup around the young man, allowing the audience to verify that he is the main character, whilst the young woman is portrayed as the secondary character.
• Want/Need/Obligation: Out of these three options, the need is the key driven force that my main character has through the story. My character's need is to create a connection with another person, whom he finds in the young woman; although his tactics of how to socialise are questionable, as he firstly tries to establish this connection by filming her.
• Opposition: My protagonist lacks the confidence to socialise with others, demonstrated through his need to film the young woman instead of talk to her face-to-face. I could try to demonstrate his isolation through other micro elements, such as his clothing, etc.)
• Catalyst for change: My protagonist is forced to come face-to-face with the young woman, and now has the chance to establish the connection he has been lacking.
• Climax: When the young woman discovers the protagonist, he realises she is now in control, and is put under pressure to obey her demands.
• Resolution: The protagonist admires the beauty of the young woman, and she responds positively towards this by creating a physical connection between the pair.
• Themes: The audience is left to imagine the protagonist has finally established the connection he has been waiting for, and that the young woman has been saved from her potential suicide.

• Does every scene reveal something new? Break down the scenes using the STEP OUTLINE to demonstrate how each is a consequence of the previous scene and in addition brings a new and significant development.
• My script is one long scene, and within that scene there are certain key narrative units of time; his camera practice; noticing the female, etc.
• Scene 1
• In this scene, my main protagonist is filming a river through his camera stationed on his tripod. The key significance is the introduction of my main character, and this is significant to the audience's understanding of the characters as he is the first person we see, yet we have no choice but to latch onto him and rely on him to guide us, at least until another character is introduced. There is an indication of a theme of peace and tranquility, as from here my protagonist is alone in his own peaceful environment, with no outside interference.
• Scene 2
• In the second scene, my protagonist spots a young woman, and begins to film her through his camera. The key significance is the introduction to a new character, which is quite early on in the script, allowing the audience to create another early connection. To improve, I should identify a key theme that affects the story-line.
• Scene 3
• In the third scene, the young woman reveals an alcohol bottle and pills, and steps into the river, leaving the young man panicking. The key significance is the new dilemma the young man faces, as he faces a situation where he must act, or he will put the safety of the young woman at risk. The audience understands the dire situation their characters are placed in, and feel the tension along with the young man. The key theme introduced is alcohol and drug abuse, and the affects it has on the young woman's wellbeing, exemplifying another theme; life and death.
• Scene 4
• In the final scene, the young man makes his presence known, and introduces himself to the young woman, and they share a connection. The key significance is that the young man acts, and in turn saves the young woman from her potential fate. The audience understands the connection shared between the two characters, and thus feel the young man has accomplished his goal in creating a connection, this time being physical. The key theme is the bond felt between both characters, and whether it be long-lasting or fleeting, the audience feels the young man has accomplished his goal of establishing a connection.

• Does the narrative progress cinematically and with minimal dialogue? Explain how it progresses cinematically rather than with dialogue. How do visuals drive the narrative forward at points? How does sound drive the narrative forward at points? How are visual elements (e.g. aspects of mise-en-scene) used symbolically?
• Overall, there is minimal dialogue within my script. This has allowed the cinematography to progress and establish the world and character. The sound of the rustling trees and the flowing stream help drive the narrative forward as it sets the scene; however, there is not much other sound to my script. The visuals help the audience understand what is happening in the frame, and allows them to try and understand the world, the character and the problem. Certain visual elements are used symbolically to show the audience what is going on in the frame, with props such as the camera, alcoholic bottle and pills, setting the scene and have a major impact on the story-line.

• Is there a clear tone? Describe the tone. Is it consistent throughout?
• The tone of my film can be seen as solemn and/or serious, shown through the minimal dialogue, and actions of my characters, such as the young woman walking into the river. However, I feel that my tone can only be identified halfway through my film; to improve this, I should try and identify underlying elements earlier on in my script, and analyse how they provide a consistent tone.